Random thoughts

Went to one of the annual hungry ghost festival dinner tonight with my parents. Quite reluctant to go at first, but went after considering that it would be a decent dinner for me.

Not many young people around.. This is usually the case now.. The participants are usually aunties and uncles (My parents generation). I have no topics to talk with them and I am very amazed that they are able to pick up conversations easily even though they might not meet one another before. Their topics would revolve around "Anybody still around?" and things like that... and their conclusion would usually be "How long will we live is all predestined?"

I did not pay much attention to this hypothesis that they have made because nobody can prove whether this statement is true. But I have thought of a Chinese saying which goes, you never bring anything when you are born and you will not bring anything with you when you are dead.. If this statement is true, do we need to be so uptight by things such as wealth, authority and career aspirations? Can we bring them into the grave with us?...

Trapped in expectations

About ten years ago, I was told from a teacher that I need to be more confident to succeed in life. Five years ago, I was told by my army buddy that I can be more arrogant so that I can overcome any challenges. Few years ago, a professor has asked me to be more confident so that I can present better..

Their advices are good and I have gained a lot of achievements. Can do fairly well in studies, overcome obstacles in army and do what I want to do. I would not say I am a very confident person, but I can say that it can tide me through most of the obstacles so far in life. However, my expectations of myself have also increased tremendously, to a point where I might collapse if I ever hit a setback. And indeed, I am...

I was quite depressed yesterday. Too many things have happened and I realized that I am unable to meet the expectations that I have set for myself. I was pessimistic, feeling weak, tired and bleak of the future. I tried to ask myself, why am I in such deep shit now? Why I could not just set average expectation like anyone else and live normally? Didn't I have told myself that I would want to live like a normal person a few months back?

After much thinking, I realized that I have been living to the expectation of other people. What other people believe I can do, I will go for it. I do not know what I want to have in my life. I am concerned of what other people expect of me and I would set a higher expectation of myself. She was right, to say that I have been running fast and I have been pushing myself to run even faster. Eventually, I would collapse. She reminded me that it is a blessing to lead a normal life yesterday, which I have forgotten while I am in this rat race. Yes indeed.. that is what I need. But if I stop now, i might lose everything that I have.. To let go or not to let go.

Watched a clip on some moral story on why monkeys are being trapped. The hunter placed a few bottles with rice such that the neck is just nice for a monkey to put in its hand. That night, many monkeys came and tried to take the rice. They put in their hands and grabbed the rice. However, they were not able to remove their hand from the bottle if they grab the rice. In the end many of the monkeys are stuck. Only a few monkeys are clever enough to let go of the rice and escape from the trap. Am I the monkey now in this scenario?

A senior told me once.. I am strong in materialistic sense but I am weak spiritually.. Spiritual in the sense that I can control what I want... even to let go when I am about to achieve the goal. I would lead a happy life if I am able to achieve such balance.

"Don't need to live up to others expectations. The first thing to overcome it is to overcome yourself. If you can't manage yourself, you cannot manage others.." I will remember her words...

Data Entry

The job for today is basically data entry.. I think my speed has improved tremendously No other interns around.. Feeling a bit boring, but luckily there are new people coming in.

The customer service officer called, very polite.. Well, I will give them another chance :)

Poor Service Quality

I am very disturbed and disappointed by the service quality that I have received today. Maybe because I had experience two extreme cases in the same morning.. One very good and one very bad. Now I understand why customers are very frustrated when the company does not treat its customers seriously.. I was on the verge of terminating the policy on the spot. I was very tired after the whole incident and went back to sleep immediately in the late afternoon...

Asking for more works

Today, as usual, went to the managers to ask for work. Surprisingly, he has works for me and I was very happy. Although some of these tasks are outright SK, I don't mind.. At least I don't feel guilty siting down there doing nothing.. even to the extent of OT. I feel that I learn a lot today... and I'm feeling tired.. TGIF..BUT! Tomorrow still need to go to SMU.. I am really asking for it.

Maybe not for me...

Have been in office for my internship for quite some time.. Nothing for me to do actually and that explains why I can find time to blog during office hour. I have wanted to find more work but either it is too high level or too troublesome to be delegated... I admit myself to be a workaholic, maybe this job is not for me... or maybe I come in at the wrong time, during the lull period....

Journey not the Destiny

I just came across a blog of a senior today. I can relate to most of the things that he blogs and I think it helps me to understand myself more. Maybe I am wrong to view things in the past....

I always work for the things that I want and I usually forgo the journey along the way.. Sometime I am confused by what I am doing and question myself whether reaching the destination is worth the effort.. Maybe a better way to look at it is to know the path that I am walking and enjoy the scenery along the journey.. A longer journey could be more worthwhile than taking faster route to reach the destination. Don't let the destiny controls you.. From now onwards, I will control my journey and my destiny.

I will blog everyday from now onwards, even if it is short, I will learn more about myself this way.

A place in life

Read the book on "the Alchemy".. There are many learning points from the simple story. One of them talks about destiny and that not many people pursue their destiny. The reason for not doing so is simply that people cannot get out of their comfort zone. People rather stay status quo, don't fight the norms and most importantly, they do not "talk" to their hearts to understand what they need.

Rational people think with their brains and not their hearts. Thinking logically with the brain is good.. but understanding what the heart wants is equally important. If you are met with a decision, the brain tells you to do "A" but the heart tells you to do "B".. which would you choose?

I suppose this is applicable to many decisions that we have made or would be making in life. For now, making career decision is critical for me and most of my peers. Most people pursue their careers based on what the brain "tells" them. Go for one that can earn you the biggest bucks.. Go for one that can give you the fastest route to the corporate ladder.. Go for one that will get you the greatest NPV or the shortest payback period.. Well.. These are rational decisions. It helps to make you progress and these goals are relatively tangible.

There are also people who would go with their hearts... Go for one that I want... The question however is... what do you want? Helping people is what I want? Work life balance is what I want? Traveling around is what I want? Well.. I suppose this group of people would go with their hearts if they have the choice to do so.. Talk about inflation.. Talk about competitions.. Talk about survival... Do people still listen to their hearts?

There is another group of people who believe that they have a role to play in life. Can be some outcasts, can be some political leaders, can be some businessmen, can be some religious leaders.. They believe they exist in life because of some reasons and they pursue their dreams. They are different from people who follow the crowds and they believe in what they are doing, even if they differ from norms. They want to do the job, even if nobody wants to do.. Be it low pay, low social status... but they find peace because they know that it is their role, their destiny. Confucius says something like do the role that you are supposed to be in.. the leader should behave like the leader, the follower should behave like a follower... the parent behaves like a parent, the child behave like a child. Believing is a powerful force that drives you to what you want. However, the challenge is.. what is your belief? What is your destiny? What is your place in life?

Finding new direction..

A lot of things have happened for the past few days.. WZ was injured.. Hwee and his family were back... Man Chun was back also... internship was becoming more stagnant... FYP getting more busy..

Somehow.. this summer is different from the previous summers.. It is the last summer that I am going to have and time seems to past very slowly. I begin to pick up new hobbies, such as learning languages and reading fictional books/biographies. I suppose it is a good start towards work-life balancing and I hope that the habit would stay with me.

Random thoughts in Hong Kong

Just some random thoughts when I was having exchange in Hong Kong:

To be successful in life, you need to have capabilities and credibility...

Focus in 5F:
Family, Friends, Fortune, Food, Flight/Fun

First day of work

Today is my first day of work.. Woke up, brushed my teeth, wore my new zara shirt and go to work by MRT. When I reached Raffles Place MRT, I felt very identical to the other working class people. Everyone seemed to conform to a certain standard - Wearing similar outfits, walking in similar direction, and showing similar facial expression. It looked scary, like a group of zombies. Probably today is Monday and everyone is having Monday Blues.

It took some time to clear the administrative procedures but it was fast to get settle down. Thanks to Felix and the other interns and colleagues who were very helpful. There are not many people around in the company because they are clearing leaves in this lull period. I only get to know my general job scope and I hope it would be clearer soon.

Had a good lunch through some recommendations and I'm looking forward for more places to eat as the time goes by. Time went very fast and I didn't expect to come home so early... After much thoughts, I thought it was time for me to start exercising before I got any fatter. I dragged myself from the sofa and went for a run one hour after dinner.. It was rather tiring but refreshing after the exercise.

Today is a fresh start for me after the long 22 weeks of academic imprisonment. Looking forward to more experience tomorrow..

Reflecting in front of the campfire

Like every other person, we have preoccupied so many activities in our lives and seldom can find time to do self-reflection. It has been some time since I have paid attention to this blog, just like
I have not gone for a campfire for a long time. However, I still remember the fond memories that I have. Yesterday, while I was talking to my friends, I realized that I have missed out a lot on these reflections and they would be forgotten soon if I do nothing about it. I think it is about time for me to rekindle this blog and I have changed its name to the source of memories.

When I was in NPCC, I would always look forward to the annual campfire night. I enjoyed the atmosphere, the warmth and the moments with my friends, singing and dancing happily around the campfire. In particular, I liked to stare at the fire and reflect on myself. It is similar to looking at the river flow and listening to the sound of the flowing water.. But there is something special about the fire, that it will warm and smooth my heart...

Sometime the fire became weaker and we would add the firewood to "keep the fire going". For every firewood added to the flame, the fire becomes stronger and more memories appear in my mind. It is a source of energy that keeps me warm and adds incredible meanings to my life. This is one of the reasons I like about my nickname, firewood.